He's a motherfuckin' man of the motherfuckin' people.

Samuel L. Jackson said a few words in Time Magazine about his upcoming snakes on a plane epic, Snakes on a Plane.

"It's kind of difficult to watch me in a movie and not hear me say motherfucker once. I wanted to say it in Star Wars, so I'm glad we got it in here."

- Samuel L. Jackson

.

God bless you, Samuel L. Jackson. God bless you.

How To Save SNL

Okay, I've figured out a surefire way to save Saturday Night Live.

(That is, until we arrive and take over.)

FIRE EVERYBODY EXCEPT THE NEW GUYS.

Okay, not everybody. Keep Forte and Armisen, for sure. Pohler's cool too, maybe Dratch.

EVERYONE ELSE MUST GO.

Let's face it. They're old. They're tired. Some of them were never even that funny to begin with. (Finesse Mitchell, I'm looking at you.)

I mean, I like Parnell. I like Seth Meyers. Hell, I even liked Horatio and Darrel Hammond once upon a time. But the show has gotten stale, boring and worst of all...NOT FUNNY. Now, to be fair, most of the blame could be placed on Tina Fey, the head writer. And to be honest, I do place most of the blame on her. But I honestly think it's time to purge. It's happened before. It must happen again.

Keep the new guys. Lose the old (except the aforementioned...four). DON'T hire anybody else. Smaller casts work better, trust me. Next year, this should be the cast we're looking at:

(Don Pardo voice)
It's Saturday Night Live! STARRING:

FRED ARMISEN!
RACHEL DRATCH!
WILL FORTE!
BILL HADER!
AMY POHLER!
ANDY SAMBERG!
JASON SUDEIKIS!
KRISTIN WIIG!

I'd buy THAT for a dollar.

(At least until we take over.)
(Also, make one of those Lonely Island Boys head writer.)
(Also, get better hosts...Tom Hanks is good, but you need good hosts other than the obvious ones. Lindsay Lohan just doesn't cut it.)
(ALSO...you're musical acts this year have been OUTSTANDING. Keep that up.)

Thanks!

"What If We Are Real?"

What If We Are Real

What if...
What if we're no different
What if we're the same
Would it make a difference?
Could you take the blame?

Graceless exits
Made so long ago
Our hearts on fire,
Melting snow

All we take with us
And all that we feel
And still we wonder
What if we are real?

What if...
What if we can't be saved
What if we've gone to far
Maybe we can float away
Float on to a different star
Come with me, it's not to far

Nodding heads
That still mean no
Illuminate smiles
That are just for show

All we take with us
And all that we feel
And still we wonder
Is any of this real?

All we take with us
And all that we feel
And still we wonder
Always wonder
What if we are real?

My Nostalgia

I don't know what it is, but lately I've been feeling a little nostalgic.

Perhaps it's something in the air. Perhaps it's the blog entries made by Kate and Travis. Perhaps I'm dying of some foreign disease and don't realize it yet. Or, perhaps I'm just getting older.

Recent events have forced me to look back on my life, and the friendships I made along the way. You see, I recently ended my three years at Loyalist College, and it kind of revealed some things to me. The advertising class was not close at all. This was made even more apparent while watching my TV friends say goodbye to one and other. There was not a dry eye in the house...whereas we Advertisers were mostly indifferent. Sure, there were a few peeps I was gonna miss, but for the most part, we parted ways as easily as strangers.

Talking to Lex about it, she explained that the TV class was just exceptionally close - in fact, while she didn't have that many friends from high school, she loved everyone in TV.

That's when I realised that unlike her, all of my best friends were from high school, and although I'd made some good friends since then, I hadn't progressed much farther than that. And I have to say, I felt lucky. Lucky that my best friends were from a period of my life when we were just discovering ourselves. And there's nothing wrong with that.

I think everyone should try to reconnect to their past at some point. Whether it's that special someone you took for granted, or that friend who could say more with laughter than anyone else could say with words, we are who we are because of the people who shaped us.

And in the end, I honestly think I'd prefer it if my past were my present. Maybe you can never go back...but nobody said you couldn't take it with you.

(Editors Note: When reading the above entry, think of Zach Braff's voice when you do. Man, I could TOTALLY write for Scrubs.)

"Change of Heart"

Change of Heart

Isn’t it wonderful
How the days seem to fly
How your life passes you by
How the sun always rains on your parade

And isn’t it wonderful
How the minutes tick away
How they never seem to stay
How twinkle in your eye begins to fade

Your future isn’t something you’re in charge of
The end will be here before you even start
In and out of tedium
Never more than medium
Always waiting for that change of heart

Isn’t it fantastic
Still waiting for that second chance
Living through this endless dance
Waiting for it all to finish soon

And isn’t it fantastic
The way you never get ahead
Your friends all think you’re dead
And maybe you wish you were too

Your future isn’t something you’re in charge of
The end will be here before you even start
In and out of tedium
Never more than medium
Always waiting for that change of heart

"Holiday In May"

Holiday in May

I’d like to pack up and go
To a place without any snow
To a place with cinnamon seas
Tinfoil trees, all smiling at me

I’d like to take a flight out
To a place where everyone shouts
To a place where the blind always see
Cuts never bleed, there’s no disease
We’d all be free

Oh, what a day
Holiday in May
Oh, oh, oh
What a day
Holiday in May
I’d like to go

I’d like to drive in my car
To a place that’s not very far
To a place where everyone knows
My name and my clothes
My highs and my lows
Everyone knows

I’d like to ride in a boat
To a place where everyone floats
To a place where nobody frowns
They’d only drown, bob up and down
Waving goodbye to me

Oh, what a day
Holiday in May
Oh, oh, oh
What a day
Holiday in May
I’d like to go

I’d like to pack up and go
To a place I can call home
To a place where nobody knows
My name or my clothes
My highs or my lows
Nobody knows
Me.

Feeling: Confused and tired.

Hearing: Dani California by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Viggo Mortenson would make a pretty girl.

Janis and Ingrid leave. The brothers are left alone, beside the ferris wheel. Theo is munching on popcorn, while David sips on a beer. There is a long pause as they watch the girls leave. Then -

THEO: She loves me, you know.

DAVID: Who? Janis?

THEO: No. Ingrid.

DAVID: Oh. Okay.

The two are silent for a beat. David suddenly punches Theo, spilling his popcorn.

THEO: Hey! What was that for?

DAVID: For saying that she loves you. She doesn’t.

THEO: You spilled my popcorn. And does too.

DAVID: Then why aren’t you here with her?

THEO: Who says I’m not?

They turn to each other.

DAVID: But you came with Janis.

THEO: Janis came with me.

DAVID: Then who did I come with?

THEO: I’m sorry, David.

Theo picks up what's left of his popcorn and moves away. David slumps to the ground.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I have come to a conclusion tonight. An epiphany, if you will. (And whaddya wanna bet I didn't spell that right? Damn you, shoddy public school system!)

I have decided to apply to Clown College.

(Also known as Humber.)

Okay, so it's not Clown College. That'd just be silly. But it is Comedy Writing and Performing. Yeah. That's a thing. An actual college course. And I'm going to take it. (Or at least apply...apparently there's an audition, that can and will go horribly awry.)

But still, I'll try. After watching that SNL special on NBC tonight (all about the 80's...what a rough goddamn period of the show!) I've decided I want to go into comedy again. Ideally, I'd get my old crew back with me. Could you imagine SNL a year from now starring the likes of Mathew Cain, Travis Kinney, Jason Lang and Mark Ring? I can, and lemme tell ya...it's a hoot and a half!

So this be my destiny...Humber. Today, a comedy course at a community college, tomorrow...SNL!

(Hey, if Jimmy Fallon can make it on SNL, lord knows I can.)